So hard to say goodbye

So had bloodwork done this morning, I knew not to get my hopes up but it is so darn hard not to. This whole IF process is starting to get to me, seriously making me want to rip my hair out. ok so back to Test results, blood work done in August came back 0.6, really bad no way in hell could ovulate with that low of progesterone, blood work done today came back 1.3. So no ovulating for me this month. I honestly dont cry, and because i let myself get my hopes up today I cried the whole way home which was like a 30 min drive from where i was at. it sucked so bad. It doesnt help that it seems so easy for others to get pregnant, I mean I do have good friends going through the IF process with me but it is still hard and i still feel alone, all i want to do right now is curl up in a ball and cry, of course my man isnt awake so i cant even break the news to him, I am just at a loss, and i was really hoping that this was the month, i dont want to have a June baby, lol I dont want to have to share a month between my niece and my baby lol, weird i know but its how i am. It also doesnt help that the miscarriage i had in January, the baby was due 5 days from now, so i have the realization that this is the time where i would  be huge and ready to have this whole pregnancy over, to your not pregnant and your not going to get pregnant this cycle. :( My doctor is great though, he knows what he is doing and is helping me out the little that he can, I mean its not like he can give me some magical pill that poof your pregnant, damn that would be nice lol. Poof all my problems are gone, can someone somewhere please make me a poof pill, something that makes all my dreams come true? So plans for next cycle, gonna do 150mg fingers crossed and praying to god that this one works cause it is wearing on me and honestly i dont know how much more i can take. If clomid 150mg doesnt work Dr said that he will switch to femara, which i have been told by many women that works for women with pcos that clomid didnt work for, i honestly didnt want to have to even go to 150mg of clomid, let alone a different drug i havent even researched yet. I am lost in a world of pregnant women and babies, and i dont know what to do to stop sticking out and finally be part of the "in crowd (the pregnant or women with children)" my friend Hope said how she is always told to enjoy not having her period, and people tell me that all the time, yea it was fun for a while, cause i absolutely hate going places at that time of the month, but honestly i would rather have it and know maybe next month, rather than not have it and find out yea you didnt even ovulate so your not pregnant, so tired of doing hpt and bw and all the crap, i just want my poof pill. lol I thought I would let who ever reads this know how my day was going :( and all of that. so i guess i shall study til i cant study anymore,

Thought of the day.

Goals are like learning to ride a bike, if at first you dont succeed, try and try again until you succeed. to all of my IF ladies out there reading this, you all are in my heart and i wish you all luck with getting the baby you want one day. :)